Discard any wilted outer leaves of cabbage. Rinse under cold running water. Shred cabbage and place in large bowl.

In a food processor or blender, combine vinegar, lemon juice, sesame oil, peanut butter, mayonnaise, and soy sauce. Blend well. Season to taste with salt, pepper, and chile oil. Pour vinegar mixture over cabbage and toss thoroughly. Cover at net stand at room temperature for about 2 hours, or refrigerate for up to 24 hours. Return to room temperature before serving.

In a skillet, melt the butter over low heat. Add the peanuts and cook, stirring frequently, until the peanuts are golden brown and fragrant, about 3 minutes; watch carefully to prevent burning. Transfer to paper towels to drain and cool.

Just before serving, stir in most of the peanuts, saving a few to sprinkle over the top. Garnish with flowers, if desired.